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| Okay, since I'm supposed to post, here's a Livejournal entry from last year that fits with the theme of this Xanga. I definitely enjoyed creating my little rants, and maybe I'll find time to start them up again... no guarantees, though.
Goddamn those guidance counselors. Maybe they didn't realize that what the considered an ego boost for kids would end up contributing to a generation that accepts no responsibility and is competent only in placing blame elsewhere. Maybe they didn't realize that in trying to get people to accept diversity, it began to balloon into a society embracing mediocrity, laziness, and immorality.
You got a little older, and it wasn't the guidance counselors. It was your friends. You'd sit there and complain about how you failed a test, and all your friends would "support" you by saying things like, "Oh, you're smart, sweetie. It isn't your fault. The teacher was bad! The exam was unfair!" Never once, "Stop complaining. You didn't study."
Then it internalized. It became part of your being. You still had your friends to rationalize for you, but you no longer needed them because the excuses flowed naturally through your mind, justifying before you needed to complain. It isn't my fault that I'm performing badly at my job. My boss doesn't like me. I have ADD. And my knee hurts.
Excuses don't hold up through the fire. In the end, you've got an unhappy life and nothing to show for it. We all have barriers in our lives, and all of us can make those specific excuses if we so choose. When it comes down to it, no matter how our circumstances are, we are all able, with a lot of work, to live our lives in a way that commands respect. And it IS a lot of work, always. It doesn't matter if you're born with one arm in a cardboard box or if you're Paris Hilton. Selfishness comes naturally, and self-control does not.
So frankly, I generally don't have much pity to people whose lives are always "omg sooo awful." More often than not, they've done nothing or very little to improve their situations. They're selfish, irresponsible people. And if you're sitting there thinking, "No, my life sucks and it's due to [some excuse] not because I'm selfish and irresponsible" then you've excellently illustrated what I've written so far. Wake up and realize it.
The good news is this... it's never too late to turn around. Are you tired of being unhappy? Do something about it. It might be a long, hard journey, but at least it's up and not spiraling downward. The "path of least resistance" might temporarily cover your problems, but it won't bring any sort of lasting satisfaction, and you'll just be emptier inside in the end.
And to those of you who think you're doing your friends a favor with your "It's not you, sweetie.... you're perfect" comments... you aren't. You're crippling them even more. Good friends tell the truth. | | |
| Just taking a little break from a long week of work to say this: Sun settles Kodak's Java suit for $92 million. | | |
| So I'm not around here much anymore. Sorry. My job eats up all of my time, and once I'm done with work, I don't really want to look at a computer.
Anyway, an addendum to the "why I'm a bad Asian" entry:
When my mom was here, we went to Chinatown in Vancouver to get stuff for my apartment, and she insisted that I buy chopsticks, even though I assured her that I wouldn't use them. I have not used them for food at all, but I've found another excellent use: mixing drinks.
Daha. | | |
| Let's say there are these two people named Alice and Bob.
Alice is a nice little girl, and she kinda likes this dude named Mallory. (Yep, Mallory's a dude. Don't ask me why) And you know, Alice is pretty normal, she's a good person, and people like her. Unfortunately, Mallory informs her that although she's pretty cool, she doesn't quite meet Mallory's standards for dating... she isn't hot enough. Boy, is Alice pissed. She's all like, "Who does that Mallory dude think he is? I'm kind of pretty! I mean, I'm not supermodel hot, but neither is he! What right does he have to demand that? How dare he think that I'm not good enough for him?" Pauvre Alice.
Bob's also a pretty nice guy. He's pretty smart, decently good-looking, another all-around good person. Now this chick named Eve starts hitting on him, and he's like "Whoa there!" Bob isn't abnormally superficial, but Eve's pretty damn ugly. And her social skills aren't so hot, either. Bob thinks she should get the hint, but Eve keeps up her pursuit. She seems to think not only that she has a chance with Bob, but that Bob SHOULD date her. First, he thinks she's a little delusional. Then he gets a little offended. He's all like, "Man, does she think I'm so pathetic that I can't do better than her?" Uh-oh.
So the fun word for today is "standards." Everyone has them. And it's so easy to be offended by them. Is it possible to have standards that are too high? And does a person have to do something in order to "earn the right" to have certain standards?
I would argue that anyone has the "right" to hold whatever standards he wishes to. I believe that the dumbest, ugliest man on earth has the right to search for the smartest, prettiest woman. The catch, of course, is that he probably won't get what he's looking for.
This is one possibility for Alice to consider: that Mallory is looking for something that he may not be able to find. However, there is another possibility. As humans, we are the sum of many characteristics and accomplishments, and even a list of a dozen qualities would not define any one of us. Yet when most people set standards for who they'll date, they only specify a few things. Not meeting the bar for a few qualities doesn't mean someone is less of a person in a whole sense than what is being sought out; it only means that he is lacking in those particular areas. And aren't we all?
We often make the mistake of assuming that people will look for the same qualities that we look for. In Bob's story, it's possible that Eve is very intelligent and seeks an intelligent man. She assumes that he is looking for similar things, and she figures that she'll meet his bar for that, so she assumes she has a chance. Unfortunately, Bob wants a pretty girl with good social skills (who cares about intelligence in women, anyway?), and there are probably many good qualities about Eve that he misses because they aren't what he's looking for. So it might not be the case that Eve thinks that Bob can't get a prettier girl.
We need to meet the standards of someone who meets our standards. If this isn't happening, there are three options: adjust the standards, adjust ourselves to meet others' standards, or sit and be single. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the "sit and be single" option is a good one. Sometimes it's the wrong environment, the wrong time, whatever. But after patterns of rejection and a looooong period of being single, sometimes you have to do something.
When you demand something in a potential partner, you generally have to expect some sort of equal and opposite reaction. Well, not always opposite. There's the standard "pretty people date pretty people," right? You're in shape, you expect your partner to be in shape. But there's also "pretty, poor people dating ugly, rich people." The pretty, poor person is willing to overlook appearance for her monetary desire, and the rich dude wants a hawt chick.
But what if you're an ugly, poor guy, and you want a pretty girl and can't get one? You can try to make yourself not-so-ugly. Or not-so-poor. Or maybe find another really good quality that a pretty girl might be so attracted to that she could overlook some other not-so-hot ones. But life sucks, and this doesn't work. So another option is to give the not-so-pretty girls a chance. But maybe you can't settle for less. Then guess what! You get to rot in single hell for all eternity, you bastard. There's more in life than being pretty, you know. (Er, did that slip out?)
Obviously, it isn't so simplistic as that. Even if our list of standards may only incorporate a few qualities, it's more than the two I've used as examples here. It's about finding a good fit, someone you're looking for who's looking for someone like you. It isn't necessarily a game of who's the better person... it's about who best suits the person you are.
Anyway, it's really late, and I'm not sure if that made sense or not. Good night. | | |
| Well, yeah, another entry about my actual life. I'm leaving for a trip to Taiwan and Hawaii for a few weeks tomorrow morning, so you won't hear any of my controversial opinions until after I get back (maybe I'll be more aZn, omg). Take care, everyone, and have a good (drunk) birthday, Ke! | | |
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